In a sunday school room there were ten amazing, loving, and curious chirldern. I wad a guest in this class room and it was a breath of fresh air to watch the teacher share a message of trusting God with everything we are and to see the little ones soaking it all in. They raised their hands with questions and excitement. Their hearts were wide open. I was grateful to be a witness to so much joy.
Then out of the blue, for just a brief moment my eyes started to scan the room for a little red headed boy whom was not sitting among the other children.
My heart was not confused. It was on solid ground knowing where he was at. He did not need to learn todays message. He is already living in paradise.
My sweet little red headed boy, I miss you ….I LOVE YOU!
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and Do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5-6
I use to scream and cry “it is time for you to come HOME now, you have been gone way too long !”. Grief, denial, pain so unbearable for a mother’s heart or mind to comprehend. The reality is you are home … I am the one who is not. Faith tells my heart we WILL be reunited the second my work here on earth is through. I will hold you in my arms once again and never have to let go. My sweet boy.
Can you feel it ? His love calling you home !. I fall to my knees as my heart is overcome with his amazing, never failing, never ending perfect love. No matter how far we may fall he calls his children home with arms wide open. Can you feel it ? He is always with you, always! You are his favorite masterpiece.
Dark memories of a long ago past. Snap shots of violence and dark spaces. All would be better fortotten. Tears and fear they follow me. I was so young, where was the love?
Thirty years down the road and I am still haunted. There are rooms in my memory I am terrified to enter. The emotional wounds keep bleeding open.
Heavenly father, please guide me through the uncertainty.
Show me what is it
you want me to know.
They will be done.
Then speeding by my minds eye
Like old movie clips.
The once living nightmares,
I had hidden so deep.
True to his promises our savior whent before me. He made the cooked path straight. As a loving father he watched over me, never leaving nor forsaking me.
When the tears stoped and I rembered to take a breath. In the stillness came five simple words ‘Lay it at my feet’.
Lay down all the fear, pain and tears.
Lay down all the shame, anger and betrayal.
Replace the lies with the truth.
peace, forgiveness and hope.
Grace, courage and love.
At the cross
Almost three years ago I visited a small family owned garden nursery, one my chirldern and I had visited often. On this visit unlike the ones before my arms were empty. There was no little boy needing me to hold him. Somewhere in the distance there came this heavenly sound. It was high pitch yet soft and tender all at the same time. It reminded my heart of a child’s laughter. I followed this sound all throughout the winding garden. The end of the trail had lead me to a small, red wind chime.
Fast foward to tonight. All three of my precious little girls were sound asleep as I peeked in on them one last time for the night. There lying on my youngest bedroom floor was my son’s favorit teddy bear. I picked it up … but insted of putting it away I heald on to it. I could feel every drop of strength I had fall away. There in the dark room I bent down to pray. Words stuck like velcro on my tong. 1 Peter 5:7 flooding my heart over and over again ! (‘Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.’ 1 Peter 5:7).
I don’t even know how long I was on the floor. I stood up and gazed upon the stars to say thank you one more time and there it was ! In the dead of night coming from a small red wind chime hanging on my frount porch was the precious sound of a child’s laughter.